if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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