Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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