Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
