Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
