I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
