my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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