There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
