I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
