I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
