I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
