he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
