So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
