this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
