That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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