HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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