wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
