I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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