Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
