We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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