why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
