the condom got lost in my hair
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
