I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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