just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
