At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
