Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
