dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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