She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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