yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
