I want to make a zoo with you.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
