idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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