Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
my liver is dry heaving
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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