took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
