***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
