I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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