i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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