Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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