areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
