I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
