Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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