hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
