shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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