i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Boobs speak an international language.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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