Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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