Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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