hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
