fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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