I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
