My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
