So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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