You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
