Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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