Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
