I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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