I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
