My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
