just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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