i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
