I've blown a few things in my day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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