If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize