Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize