just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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