He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
