Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
