That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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