Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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