I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
