just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
