Someone shit on the floor
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Found the puke drawer
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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