Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
