I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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