I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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