If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
