I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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