Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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