If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
