I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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