Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
